Life:
Well, my first week of university was busy but fun, stressful but enjoyable. Believe it or not, it was somewhat of a thrill to just sit in a class and listen to a teacher and for once, just forget that I was a mom (well, not *forget*, but just, you know, push it onto a back burner for once instead of having it always as my primary role). So far I enjoy my classes, and the one day I had classes til 5:30 went smoothly. Harmony was happy to see me and didn't seem upset at having been at daycare for a little longer than usual (she loves it there cause it's so fun for her...) and we actually got home at a decent time- about 10 after 6!
One highlight of this week was a seminar featuring Barbara Coloroso (read her books, she's amazing!). I got a free ticket through one of my Young/Single Parent Groups and it was definetely worth the trip. Luckily Chris was able to babysit so I was able to go.
Things are going a little better with him, but not much. He's almost pulling his load financially, and he's starting to take care of Harmony a little more often as he prepares to take her twice a week (he's still working on getting his house ready, even though he said it would be by last week...). I'm still not getting my hopes up, and I somehow don't expect him to really go through with this (since he's backed out of every other commitment so far), but I might as well just go along with his plans and see what happens. The weird thing is, that as much as I know I would enjoy the free time at night (which I almost never get) to go and do all the things teens my age do (well, not quite all, I'm not into the whole party hard scene, and definetely not into the drugs/raves scene but at least go hang out for a bit), I'm not sure if I'm ready to trust Chris with Harmony. Like, say for example I was looking for a sitter. If he showed up at my doorstep with his "qualifications" (which are zero in the child-care field), I would turn him down in a second. But since he's her father, somehow that's supposed to balance out his lack of parenting skills??? I just get so nervous when I think about what will go in that house. So far, he's forgotten to put on her diaper, forgotten to put on her hat outside in the sun, asked a billion questions about things that I see as completely *basic*, and just a lot of other things that make me feel he's not ready to be a parent at all. Plus it's setting her up for disapointment (he's broken all his promises to us so far, what's to stop him from cancelling all his plans with her? *plus* he's leaving her in January for a couple months and I can just imagine how upset she'll be), and also setting me up for disapointment (Chris makes other plans and decides not to take her on a Friday night like he said he would, so I have to run around scrambling for a babysitter because I've made plans, or worse, scheduled work!). I just have so many doubts about this, in all categories. And it's not helping that Harmony's father is being rude, condescending, and even more ungrateful that usual! He wanted me to thank him for babysitting that Thursday night and I told him to start thanking me for taking care of the baby *every* single night and I'd think about thanking him for *one* night. Plus, he's going around telling people I'm bitchy (yes, I'm pissed off at him and I just don't feel I have to be polite anymore, who can blame me- the guy abandonned his girlfriend and child for god's sake?), so how can I just hand my daughter off to someone that mean? I really wish I could just tell him to go away and abandon us completely, instead of just halfway (which I think is really so much worse, cause it leaves Harmony and I both so confused), but he keeps throwing it back in my face that if I "deny" Harmony access to her father, she'll hate me for it later, so what choice do I have? Hopefully this fall will either wake him up so he starts acting like a mature human being (and parent!) or else scare him so much he'll just get lost forever and stop bugging us by being so wishy-washy...
Harmony's Growth:
Harmony got her second top tooth this morning (Sunday), so that makes four all together! Her mobility is also increasing day by day and she now can "creep" on the furniture, pulling herself from one end of the couch to another (if she has the patience to do so, which she usually doesn't!). She is now very quick at pulling herself up on things, and can now use her walker. She is getting very good at walking with assistance, and can stand for a few second on her own. I suspect that before mid-October she'll be walking by herself- what an exciting yet scary though!!! :)
Harmony is graduating from the "young babies" (bottom third) group at her daycare to the "middle babies" group (middle third)! This doesn't really mean all that much except that her main daycare instructor will change.