Life:
You know how things sometimes have to get really bad before they start to get better? Well, this week was definetely proof of that. Last Saturday night I had a bit of a break down. I've been doing everything by myself for so long, I just got overwhelmed. Harmony was just crying and crying and I just couldn't take it anymore, I just started crying myself. I called my aunt and she came over and suggested taking Harmony for the night. I felt so bad doing it, but I let her take the baby. At that point, I just wanted her far away! It was a really nice break- my very first break (besides having someone take her into another room, and an hour and a half break while grocery shopping). After Norma left with Harmony, I called Sarah and cried for a bit, but I got some needed reassurance that I wasn't a bad mother for needing that break. And I know I'm not. I know that everyone needs a break, and it's a wonder I got as far as I did without Harmony driving me totally nuts. Most women can just pass their babies off to their husbands, or parents, but not me. And that's been really rough on me, just knowing that I'm totally... stuck. Even though I love her, and I love being around her most of the time, I'm stuck.
Since we got over that hump, things have been improving. We're really starting to get into a routine. It's not quite the routine I'd choose, but it's not bad. I'm trying to get her to go to bed earlier though, because her schedule of sleep from midnight to 10 am with only two eating times is great, but it needs to be pushed back a few hours cause even if she can sleep in every morning, I can't if we need to get ready to go somewhere (like we did Saturday, which is why I think it was so rough).
I forgot to mention this in the last journal entry, but I started going to a group called "You and Your Baby" at Place d'Orleans every Wednesday. It means missing Drop-In, but there are only 7 sessions, so it's worth it. I feel kind of left out because all the women are in their 20s or 30s and of course constantly mention their husbands, but they're nice women and it's good to hear the different opinions and stories.
Harmony's Growth:
We went to the clinic on Monday and she weighed in at 11 lbs 6 oz!!! That's up 8 oz since the previous Monday! Then we saw Dr. Moss on Thursday for her two-month checkup, and she weighed in at 11 lbs 8 oz! It's amazing how quickly she's growing. She's almost out-grown her size 1 diapers. I'll finish off the pack I have and then her next pack of diapers will be a size 2. Also at that check-up, we gave her her first shot (DPTP and Hib, all in one needle). It was her first time experiencing pain (beyond her gas pains and what not), and of course she cried and cried (and I have to admit, I cried a little too and apologized a million times!) but she forgot about it after a while, and is doing ok now. She doesn't have any noticeable side affects (fever, etc.) but I'm keeping a close eye on her just in case she has a reaction to the shot. I have noticed that she's a little "off" today- just not her usual self. She hasn't smiled very much today and when she does it's fleeting. But there's nothing physical wrong, and hopefully she'll be back to normal within a couple days.
Over the course of the week, Harmony's been getting more and more "talkative" with her little "ah-goo"s. It's so amazing how clearly those sounds will come out sometimes. And she's only two months old! I just love it when she smiles at me, it just lights up my world. She seems to be already forming an attachment to me. Sometimes someone will be holding her and she'll be crying and then I'll take her back and she'll be fine as long as I'm holding her. So she knows who her Mommy is for sure! :)
"Fourth Trimester":
Ok, this section isn't going to show up in the entries unless something different happens. There's not much stuff going on with my body right now and if I continue to just write "Haven't lost any more weight. Still have that annoying tummy flab" every single week, it's just going to get depressing. :)