Emotional:
What a horrible week. Things really aren't going well with my family
at all. I have a lot of worries about my mother. Over the past few
years, her mental health has been deteriorating. I've had a counsellor
tell me once, after hearing about my mom, "Well, I'm so glad you turned
out to be a normal child anyways!" She is now wanting me to leave the
house. She claims it's because I cause stress in the house. Her
opinion is that a pregnancy causes *more* stress on family members
than it does on the pregnant girl and so my mother has condoned
agressive harrassing (and sometimes violent) behaviour from my brother
and has even indulged in some harrassing herself, telling me that
being pregnant is "nothing to beam about since I'm unmarried and
only 18!" and implying that I should be shameful, instead of hopeful and
optimistic.
Anyways, needless to say, I would leave if I could because I don't
feel safe in my own home, but I don't know where else I can go.
I don't have very much money, and moving right now seems like
such an uneccesary hassle. A counsellor I talked to says the only
reason my mom wants me out of the way is because she has unresolved
problems with my pregnancy. And I can totally see that; even though
she says she supports me, she's always calling the baby a "problem",
a "mistake" and my "fault".
Right now I just want to finish school and get that high school degree in my hand!!! Hopefully things will get better soon...
The week isn't officially over yet (this is only Saturday in the middle of week 11) and I have my first appointment with my obstetrician on Tuesday so I'll be sure to write about that soon! :)
Later...(Friday, May 29th)
Ok, so, about the appointment. Kinda routine, got to answer tons of
questions, got some pamphlets, a video, etc. We tried using the
doppler to hear the baby but she said it was just too early and
that if you did get to hear the baby at 12 weeks, you were pretty
lucky. But she said next time for sure we'd hear it and so I'll
be going back in mid-June and Chris and I will get to
hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time!!! I'm so excited and
can't wait!!! :)
Physical:
Still no end to the nausea and tiredness and still no real showing. Although, I have noticed my belly getting bigger and bigger. I can still fit into a large pair of pants I have, but no one has really noticed anything yet, and I still really can't see anything when I'm clothed. I'm coming up on 12 weeks though so maybe soon...